Monster Mommy

I seriously should look into getting some sort of anger management therapy. Went ballistic with the children today and made them scamper around me like terrified bunnies. Poor babies.

I wasn't just yelling at the children, I was roaring at them. I flung their scattered toys and clothes and screamed at them to pick it up. Big girl later asked me, " you're going to be sick again after this, right mommy?" Asked her "what do you mean?" She then said I usually go all monster mom with them a week or two before I get sick. Then I understood. I am absolutely amazed at how perceptive my big girl has become. She is absolutely right. It is almost that time of the month before Aunt Flo's debut. A week before Aunt Flo, I'd get bad cramps, lethargy, nausea and headaches. A week prior to that, it's attack of the mood swings and this is that week.

The trigger for the mood swings are often the same, a messy house and bickering children. I keep telling them, clean up after yourself and Mommy won't yell. I don't remember how it was when I was a child, but my children all suffer from temporary amnesia or something. Maybe it's inherited...from their dad obviously. He still suffers from it till today but his temporary amnesia has evolved to convenience amnesia. Very exasperating.

Anyway, usually the day Monster Mom emerges, kids will immediately transform into super efficient cleaners. By the time house is tidy and everything spic and span, I would usually have cooled off and everything becomes lovely between us again.

I hate myself when I go nuts on them like that. But I am practically single handedly running our home and taking care of the kids. Hubs tries to help as much as he can but he is always away for work. I love my hubs, I love my kids and I love my family. But if I knew then what I know now, I might not have gotten married. Big girl got it right when she once declared that she will never, ever get married. Her reason was, first you have to worry about finding a guy, then worry if the guy would want to marry you, then worry about being pregnant, then worry about childbirth ( she thinks all babies are delivered via C-sect btw, thank goodness she hasn't asked me about the birds and the bees yet), then worry about taking care of the babies. Big girl's exact words "I think it is just not worth the trouble, mommy." Told ya she's extremely perceptive. LOL.

A few days back, hubs was saying that after he turned 40, it seems like time just passes so fast. I nearly choked when I heard that. Only after he turned 40 he started feeling that. He turned 40 like only 2 years ago. WTF???!!! I quickly replied,"after you impregnated me some 9 years ago, half of my 20s and early 30s completely disappeared! So please spare me from your melancholy." He gave me a sheepish smile and quickly shut up. Smart man.

The kids are all asleep now. Looking at their innocent faces right now, I feel absolutely wretched that I was acting like such a jerk today. Mommy is sorry babies. I love you very much despite those times I go mad woman on you. Forgive me for being human.

Happy birthday little princess.

My youngest baby turned 3 today. She is growing up so fast. She is my unexpected surprise. The one who is everything that I never knew I ever wanted. My Abu Dhabi baby.

Baby is quite the little princess. She may be the youngest but I think she is the one that rules this family. Among my three, she was the easiest to handle as a baby. I don't know if the reason being was because I had more experience or she was just naturally born that way. Maybe it's a combination of both. However, as she grew older, she is also the clingiest of them all. Don't get me wrong, she is quite independent but only when she wants to be. She started walking by 11 months, started eating on her own by age 1 and could hold a pencil well by 18 months. She sleeps like clockwork, never needing to be told to sleep, she just does and still do. She is also very strong willed. Still refuses to cycle, not because she doesn't know how, it's because she just doesn't want to. She still demands for her stroller and just can't bare to be without me. She gets very possessive over me and even daddy is not allowed to touch me whenever she is around.

When I was pregnant with baby, I had managed to lose over 20lbs prior to her pregnancy. I was overly concern about my appearance and was just starting to enjoy shopping again. My body was the fittest it had ever been. So when I got pregnant with her, my extreme vanity was just me getting carried away from my newly formed habit. I needed to get my hair washed and blow style every other day. I shopped for new clothes at least once a week throughout my pregnancy. I was obsessed with my skin ( with her I was absolutely radiant!) Both my older children, although are momma's child, they loved being with their dads. They jumped at going out with daddy if the opportunity arises. I kept telling everyone, this one's mine. She is going to be Mommy's little girl. You know the saying 'be careful what you wish for'? Well, this time I got my wish.

Baby's vain about her looks. Even at a tender age, she s fanatic about matching and wearing the prettiest of dresses. She loves her dresses and her skirts. Can't stand pants. Everything about her must be pink and princessy. She hates a change in routine and can't stand being without mommy. You could try bribing her anything under the sun but if Mommy's not there, she won't budge. She just refuses to leave my sight. Gets to me sometimes.

Baby was 2 weeks late when I delivered her. It was the coldest time of winter when she came out. She was 2 days short of being a full 42 weeks inside me and no matter what I did to jump start the labor, my little girl just didn't want to come out. That should have been a big clue of what I was to expect later. I had to threaten the doctor to get her out of me ASAP, otherwise I'd go in and yank her out myself. Lol.

Although the longest labour, it is the easiest labour that I had to endure. My little princess came into the world on a Saturday, 20th of February 2008 at 7.30 pm, weighing at a healthy 3.65kg. Till today, I still don't know if she is a type O blood like her daddy or a type B like me or her older siblings. She looked exactly like the other 2 but had the most gorgeous dimples on her face. Even the nurses kept commenting on her dimples.

Gosh, feels like it wasn't too long ago that I had given birth to her. Can't believe she has turned 3. Happy birthday my little princess, who makes me melt every time she flashes me her
fantastic smile. I lobe watching you grow and can't wait to see you blossom into your fullest potential. Don't grow up too fast baby, I still need you to be my little girl. Mummy loves you, now and forever. :)

Bunnies in da House

We have 2 new additions to our household. Hubs bought 2 little bunny rabbits for the kids. Typical of hubs to buy his way out of guilt. He had gone to Mauritius with some of his lads for a fishing holiday earlier this month. Now comes the school holidays, he is so busy with work, he has no days off to take the kids anywhere. The bunnies are his peace offering to the children so they would get off his back for not having time for them and to my annoyance, it worked!

So big girl chose a little brown and white girl bunny that she is calling Ms. Fluffy, and cheeky boy picked a chubby little grey boy bunny he named Speedo. Hubs told the kids that they have to take care of it and help me around the house, otherwise, he threatens to release them into the vicious and wild desert of Abu Dhabi. His exact words. Annoyingly again, he's scare tactic worked like a charm.

So the kids came home, ran into the house and started to help me out with everything. When they were done, they asked me to give them some homework. I didn't know that they had the bunnies outside and was immediately suspicious. Either those 2 are not my children or something was up. Knowing that no way in the world can they fool their cunning mommy, they blurted out that daddy got them bunnies and it's outside, hiding out with daddy. Grrr.

So now we have bunnies. The kids were exceptionally wonderful today. They behaved beautifully, were extremely polite and nice to each other. Helpful, charming and thoughtful. Seriously. Who the heck are these kids??? If I knew the effect the bunnies would have on my kids, I really should have gotten them sooner. However, I told them under no circumstances are these bunnies allowed into the house and no way will it be my responsibility to care for them.

So tonight, after the kids went to bed, I went out to check on Ms Fluffy and Speedo. Saw these two fur balls huddling together in their cage and shivering from the cold. Poor things. My heart went out to them. I picked up the cage and carried them into the house where it will be much warmer. *Sigh*. Broke rule number 1 already. I figure, from experience, rule number 2 will be broken soon.

The One Who Left a Hole in my Heart.

While Googling advertisement for maids, I stumbled into Dubai Sally's blog. It's a journal about her life as a house maid. Despite being badly written, I find her writings compelling, inspiring, thought provoking and touching, all at the same time. I feel she is a very interesting person and wonder if by chance, had her working for me, would I be able to get to know her as the person she is in her blog or would she just be someone who helps me at home?

Throughout my childhood I was raised by a legion of maids. The one whom I really got to know was our last maid who is still with my mom till today. I remembered helping her write letters to her children. I remembered knocking on her door, begging her to let me sleep in her room at night because I was scared. I remembered her covering up my mistakes so I would never be caught. Yet, as I grew older, that bond we had when I was a child started to grow further apart, and she changed in my eyes from mother substitute to becoming hired help. The affection I had for her is no longer there. Yes, I do care about her but I no longer see her as part of the family as I busied myself with moving on with my life.

Before I came to Abu Dhabi, I was lucky enough to have a wonderful maid. She was more than a maid to me, she became my friend. Hubs was very busy back then. Busy with his work and his life. Sometimes, it was like he did not exist. My maid, Sutik and I were like kindred spirits. We knew each other thought and could finish each other's sentence. We had so much chemistry between us. I stopped introducing her as my maid and would tell people that she is my sister instead. If either of us was feeling bored, we would think up things to do together like hanging out in the park, catching a movie, getting ourself coffee and even try out new restaurants together. The children was very attached to her as well. She was the sunshine in our home. Bringing us love, happiness and laughter with us.

I had begged her to come with me to Abu Dhabi. Her family was against it but I knew it in my heart that she wanted to go. I was banking on that alone and didn't beg hard enough. We cried so hard the day we left. She told me to try and be more patient with children and care for them well. She was the children's refuge when I become all Monster Mom with them. I feel sad that they now have no one to turn to when I am in one of my moods. I took her words to heart and vowed to be a better mom.

I heard she has now left, got married and have a child of her own. I have no idea how to reach her now. I wish I could have her back in my life. When I left her to move to Abu Dhabi, I had unknowingly let her leave a hole in my heart. Good help is hard to find, but there is no replacement for a friend that has touched your heart. I miss her everyday. May our paths cross again one day.

Maid gone A.W.O.L

45 days. That's how long our maid was with us before she decided to abscond. I am still bewildered about her running off like that. A bit sadden too. I have heard the many horror stories of absconding maids. Never thought it would happen to me. Guess anyone with the same experience would feel the same way. Why did she run away? Was I such a bad employer? She tells me over and over again that I have been a good employer to her, so what motivated her to run off like that? I've spent the entire day scrutinizing every conversation, every action, every incident that has occurred between us but I am still clueless. Saying that she was fantastic at her job would be over stretching it but she is adequate and having her to help me with the chores has eased my burden tenfolds. There are things about how she does her job that irks me, but I don't hold it against her. I do not expect her to cook and she has almost zero contact with the kids. I could see that sometimes she does seemed bored to death although there are things around the house that could have used some initiatives from her, but I let it be and do not hound her about it. I let it go and chose to do it myself. So what could have possibly gone wrong? I should have gone with my gut and turned her away the very moment I laid eyes on her however, since I am a strong advocate of the the whole 'don't judge a book by it's cover' theory, decided to give her chance. Look at the result, should have followed my instinct. Fortunately for me, it's the last day of school. There will be a three weeks holiday. I am going to give a good long think about hiring another help. Otherwise, I'll just have to try and manage on my own again. Did it before, will do it again. Do I want to do it again? Hmm. Not by choice. :(

It's all about the money.

      My wallet's been hemorrhaging lately. As the year is coming to an end and the holidays are fast approaching, I thought I could look forward to a relaxing, no stress month. Instead, I have been ambushed left and right for money.

       For starters, the school had sent out an email requesting parent s to cough out a deposit of AED550 for a trip that the kids will be taking in March. The deposit is half the amount of the actual cost of the trip for one child. Couple of days after that, I received another email from the school for AED60 for some Vegucation (whatever that is...think it involves picking vegetables in some organic farm) trip in January. That email was quickly followed by another one for my cheeky son's year group asking us to pay AED25 for a trip to Abu Dhabi Heritage Village which he has visited countless of time and other than gas, did not cost me a single cent. I was tempted not to let him go but I don't want my child to haunt me 10 years down the road, accusing me of depriving him of a school trip with his friends that could or would have been an important life changing experience for him.

     I paid all of the above and handed the school a total of AED635. That's AED635 gone in just 2 days after my payday. During the 3 days UAE National day break, I received an email from their sporting club informing me that if I paid next terms fee before the 8th of December, I would be entitled to receive a 10 percent discount. Yeah, they made it sound like they were doing me a favor. So being a sucker for anything with the word discount tied to it, I quickly coughed out AED1500 to secure my kids a place for next term.

     Thought that was it. Chanced upon a book sale in school and ended up spending a further AED600 on books that are now sitting untouched on the kids book shelves with the other books that are still waiting to be read. Then came the many birthday parties, Christmas presents for teachers and a cake sale followed by a chocolate sale all in the name of charity. I could restrain myself and look the other way, but how could I possibly do that without setting a bad example to the children. ( I have a niggling feeling that I've already done that).

     Just as I was thinking, "when will it all end??", TAAADAAA!! The school's invoice for next term came out. Ouch!!!Yeah, sure, milk me off every penny I have, will ya? All the money going out is making me dizzy. I've already spent over half my monthly budget and I haven't even done my first monthly grocery shopping.

Baby's nursery informs me a couple of days ago that they will be taking her on a school trip to Corniche Park. The trip will cost me AED5. Sigh.

Who am I kidding? It will never end.

Tournament, test and an assessment.

The one thing I look forward to most each week are the weekends. Weekends in Abu Dhabi starts on Friday and ends on Saturday unlike elsewhere where it is Saturday and Sunday. In Islam, Fridays are considered an Eid day. It is the most auspicious day in the Islamic calendar and most Muslim countries adopts this day as a day to devote themselves to prayers, wind down and rest. Most shops in Abu Dhabi remains close and only opens themselves for business from 4pm till late.
I look forward to Fridays as I would fully utilize it for resting. I wake up late and since everywhere is usually closed, I have no reason at all to get up early. It's my break day from my usual 5am onwards schedule. Absolute bliss.
However, this week I had to fore go my weekend break for the sake of (who else?) the kids. Sarah had insisted on taking part in a tennis tournament scheduled for Friday and which means I had to be there by 8.30am to register her. So having committed myself to my child, my Friday proved to be no respite for me. I woke up at 6am, which was a bad mistake as I ended up rushing everything and everyone in order to be at the courts by 8.30am. Made breakfast that everyone got to eat, except for myself as I had to use that extra minutes to get myself ready after making sure everyone was ready.
The tournament was, well let's just say it was interesting. Big girl had enjoyed herself despite not making it into semi-finals. Her performance wasn't her best but I guess the important thing was that she had loads of fun. I'm glad at least someone was having fun. I spent the time minding my other squabbling duo, M and H. I lost count on how many time outs I had given them. In between time outs and threats, I was also attacked by tennis balls. Must remember to wear a helmet the next time I decide to come to one of these things.
Saturday morning was lost in a haze of screaming, getting the kids out of bed and ready, making breakfast and running around looking for uniforms and belt. Both S and M had their green stripe taekwondo exam today. I am happy to report that both did very well and now the proud owners of a yellow belt with a green stripe. Another level up for them in the world of martial arts. S performed well and did try hard while M, well, I strongly feel that he had earned his stripe from the examiner due to cuteness alone. At least he tried to put a very serious face during the test which magnified his cuteness. IMO, a stripe is a stripe regardless how he earned it.

Now tomorrow, just as I thought of giving a sigh of relief from the hectic weekend, I received that dreaded email summoning little H for an assessment to get into school the following academic year. Baby is a wonderfully happy and sociable child, at least when she wants to be that is. I am worrying myself silly right now. I really don't know what her mood will be tomorrow but I have been consistently training her throughout the weekend about what to expect and what should she do. I am not sure how much of my 'training' is she getting so I decided to throw in bribery as well. If she does well, we will go to Toys r Us and get her a Barbie Dreamhouse. The mention of the dollhouse has made her a very eager recipient of my 'training.' Taught baby to say her name and age when asked. Also told her to throw in a couple of songs to enhance the adorableness factor which hopefully would appeal to the headmistress conducting the assessment. So far, so good. Only thing is whatever she has done correctly is followed by 'You buy Barbie House, okay?' Hope she won't do that during the assessment tomorrow. Last thing I want is to create a bad impression.

Am really nervous about tomorrow but at the same time, I just can't wait to get over and done with it. Desperately in need of good luck!

The Making of a Tropical Garden

I have been very busy these days creating a little garden outside. I think I may have a case of the backyard blitz. Lol.

There are plenty of trees around our house, but most of the trees are fruit trees. It's not that I don't like having fruit trees around me, it's just that it has been planted in such away that I just don't find it aesthetically appealing. The villa comes with a gardener. I have tried being subtle, telling him that we could spruce things up with some grass and flowers but he told me that grass and flowers is a waste of good ground space. Why plant grass when we could plant vegetables? He added grass and flowers are good if we were cows. Yes, I caught then sarcasm. Luckily we are not paying the man a single cent, otherwise he'd be out of a job if it was up to me. So underneath the all the fruit trees, he's planted all sorts of veges, mostly the crawly ones like string beans. Although good for our diet, these plants are visually repulsive. They grow in such a way that they look unkept and wild. Not quite the lovely sanctuary I could envision myself in. I wanted my pretty garden and what I want, I will get!

Fortunately, there is a little piece of area by the side of our house. It is mostly sand and stones. The gardener didnt touch it as he claims it is a lot of work to tend to it. For weeks I have been observing that little plot and noticed that it is actually the one spot that gets the best part of the morning sun but is still well shaded enough to avoid the harsh afternoon sun. That plot definitely had potential. I just had to figure out what to do with it.

One morning, I was invited by the mom of one of my big girl's classmate for coffee at her home. It was a very nice morning so we decided to sit outside at the patio. I stepped outside and was absolutely smitten. I swear it was like being back in Malaysia. She had manage to create a tropical sort of garden. Then it came to me, my plot would be perfect for a tropical garden and that got the ball rolling.

I had pestered DH with my idea. He didn't take me seriously. He actually thought I was quite bonkers for wanting to create a garden on what was literally just sand an stones. Had to prove to him that I most definitely have green thumbs and nothing can stop me from having that tropical garden of mine.

I used guilt to get DH to take me to a nursery (I could have gone alone but the idea of lugging pots of plants, bags of soils and fertilizers out of the car seemed better with DH doing it instead of me.)

DH was skeptical all the way but he did seem delighted when he saw the squares of fresh grass. He thought it was better to start with a few pieces first in case it didnt work out. Boy, am I going to prove him wrong. I got myself a frangipani tree, a fan palm, a kanna, five exoras and two hibiscus. It wouldn't be a tropical garden without hibiscus. We bought bags and bags of soil and fertilizers (which stunk the car but hey, no pain, no gain right?). Just to appease hubs, I only got 10 squares of grass. Yup, I paid. Getting my idea through had required sacrifice on my part. Before we left, hubs saw these cute winter flowers that I just couldn't be bothered to learn their names as I knew it wouldn't be able to last till summer and I got those as well just for hubs sake. They didn't fit into my whole tropical garden them but I got 20 of them consoling myself with the fact that they would probably be gone in 6 months. Besides, I too thought that they are kind of pretty.

So we begin planting. My gardener was right, it does take a lot of work but for the sake of my dream, I persevered. It's been a week now and my little garden is starting to look quite good. Hubs quite impressed and eagerly volunteers to water it each day. Had to educate him first on the whole over watering concept first otherwise my tropical garden will end up being a lily pond instead. Lol.

I am falling more in lobe with my garden each passing day and I hope the plants and grasses realize it and reciprocate. Can't wait to start blogging when my garden is fully done and have thrived to it's utmost potential. So far, it does look like my green thumbs are still well and working. Watch out for my next post about my garden. Tropical garden, here we come! :)

My Gym Comeback

I've decided to get back to the gym after my too-long absence. Almost 3 years to be exact. I was actually aiming for 3 times this week but had only managed to go twice. Well, as Woody Allen had said " half of life is showing up", so I am giving myself a pat at the back for making it 2 out of 3 times. I reckon that's better than not showing up at all. My Glass half full justification.

I would have gone the third time, but my aching body was crying out for help. My body had been complacent for so long that once I hit the treadmill, I think I totally shocked it or something. DH told me to give it a rest and to gradually increase the gym frequency.

Judging by my performance at the gym, no one could have guessed that I used to be such a gym junkie. I used to get withdrawal symptoms if I didnt step into a gym at least 5 times a week. Can't wait to lose these fats and regain my long lost, rock hard muscles.

I like this gym I am going to. Reminds me a lot of the old one that I used to go to back in the days. It's much smaller though, but the machines therearee similar. It makes my life a whole lot easier tring to figure out how to work it.


Since Rome wasn't built in a day, I am giving myself 3 months to get myself into the pre pregnancy shape that I had 3 years ago. Dunno if that's possible, but I have always loved a good challenge. Coming back was the hardest part but since I have overcome the beginning, now it's a matter of making it into a routine and sticking to it. Here I come towards having a lean, mean, fat-burning machine!

RIP Little One.

3 weeks ago, we found a little quail wondering around our front yard. Our home is surrounded by 6 foot walls and gate. The only way it could have entered our compound is if it flew in and since quails can't fly, weare still completely dumbfounded by how it could have gotten in.

This bird was quite a docile little creature and wasn't afraid of us. The kids were quickly taken by it and begged us to let it keep it. I am no animal lover, in fact I am not fond of them at all. I have kids and since they are already quite a handful, who needs pets?

But this little bird was different. It was fragile and delicate, I was immediately taken. Thus, it became part of our family.

The kids would feed it every morning and evening. In the evenings, when the kids were outside playing, we would release the little bird out of it's cage and let it stretch it's legs and roam around. The bird never went far and would wonder around as far as an arm's length away from us. After the kids are done playing, they would put it back in it's cage.

After a week, this little bird grew fatter and I swear, it looked happier. Call me crazy, but I just could tell that it had fallen for us as much as we did for it.

This morning, We were running late for school so I told the kids they could feed the bird later. While reversing the car, I glanced at the cage and suddenly had a bad feeling. Upon returning home, I went to the cage and the bird had disappeared. I spent half and hour going around our compound looking for it but I couldn't find it.

Then the gardener told us that he had found it's lifeless body by the cage. The bird was ripped into two. He guessed it was attacked by a cat. The gardener quickly removed it as he knew how the kids adored it and didn't want them to see what had happened to it. He was planning to bury it before the kids get back from school.

I feel sad that it is gone. I feel even sadder when I think of how frightened it must have felt before it dies and how we were not there to protect it. This little bird touched our hearts and our lives and we couldn't be there for it when it needed us the most.

I am sorry little bird. Truly, deeply sorry. You will be missed. Rest in peace little one. :(

Finally made my peace and hired a maid.

"3 kids and no maid? How do you manage?" That is the one, single question I get asked most over and over again. Gosh, some people make it sound like it's the end of the world something.

Truth it, how I've managed without a maid for so long is, I just do what I have to do. It's no easy feat, and yes my home looks like a shipwreck most of the time and yes, I have contemplated running away from home and ditching everything behind MOST of the time but at the end of the day, I am just your average responsible, loving wife and mom. So I do what all loving and responsible mom and wife do, I sacrifice my sanity.

Each day, I tell myself that I feel very empowered to be able to run a one man show managing husband, children and household. I bulldoze my way through the day and by the end of the day, crawl into the bed and wish hard that it would swallow me in. I knew I needed help. I just had to figure out how I was going to make myself ask for it.

The thing is, I feel guilty having someone clean up after me and do the things I knew I could do and felt it was my responsibility to do it and paying them peanuts for it. I say peanuts because judging by my workload I should be receiving a pay bracket similar to those of a CEO of a corporation. I am a full time, stay at home mom after all so I figured its all part of my job description However, how hard I try and push myself, I just couldn't manage to squeeze in laundry and cleaning in between kids home works, after school clubs, cooking daily meals, bedtime stories and even sex! All work and no play made me a very, very grumpy momma indeed.

Getting hired help has crossed my mind a few times but I guess all the horror stories I have been hearing about the cost, the bad help, the end of your privacy and how having a maid would only make your life mor complicated just put it off for me.

So after a few heart palpitations, an anxiety attack and a couple of nervous breakdowns, I had a revelation. These people with the horror stories, they're not living my life. They are not a full time helicopter mom like me. They don't have 3 kids and a husband who simply could not possibly function without me. If a CEO gets an assistant, I deserve one too. Cost wise, I am getting peanuts for what I am doing, why not pay somebody else the peanuts and I can minus the headache. Bad help is better than no help. Privacy? Privacy had ended a long time ago for me when I had kids. Last but not least, the complications, a risk that I am willing to take as what's life without a bit of drama right?

And now ladies and gentleman. I introduce you my maid, R. She has been absolutely wonderful. My frown line has disappeared. My house is clean, neat and tidy. Laundry has simply vanished. I have finally been able to go to the gym ( well, so far only once but heck... I've only had her for less than 2 weeks!) There are more laughter and smiles, mainly from me. The screaming has stopped ( well, on my part anyway) and kids, dad and mom are a more happier bunch.

To be fair, I told R that the kids are off limits, that's my job. Cooking is also me but she can help with prep if she is not busy with other chores and a day off each week. She seems as happy with the deal as I am. I even told the kids and husband that R is meant to help me. Not them. So she is off limits to them too. If they want a cup of water either get it themselves or ask me. Not R. I don't what to pass her the burden of my my kids, that will surely scare her and then I will end up with a runaway maid in my hand.

I am feeling very happy and contented right now. I should have gotten help sooner. Well, as the saying goes, better late than never. :)

Back again.

Here I am again at old, new blog. When I closed my old blog and decided to start this new one, I had promised myself to give it the same amount of dedication and enthusiasm as I did to my old one but I guess some promises are easier made than kept.

Now that I am back again, I've some changes. Well, actually 2 changes to be exact. Changed my blog name and my display name. Decided to go back to my old blog name, adding a little alteration. I really did love my old blog, and I guess the new one didn't feel quite right so I figure, why change a good thing. So here I am...back to 'My Thoughts or Whatever' and adding Abu Dhabi as it is where I am right now.

My new blog now feels like my old one...and it's absolutely perfect. They say third time's a charm..so let's see how this turns out. :))

Ode to Long Term Love.

10 years ago, after five years of courtship, ADD and I became husband and wife. This is my tribute to my long term love.

Lunar Eclipse in Sagitarius June 15, 2011

Subhanallah. It was a spectacular show. In all my 34 years of life, I have never witness a single lunar eclipse ever. It was truly the perfect ending to an overall perfect day. Eclipse is a new  full moon. Something tells me that I'll be looking forward to many good things to come. Inshaallah. :))

A Perfect Birthday

My birthday has come and gone. I was actually bracing myself for the worst but was pleasantly surprised to have had a very good birthday. Guess turning 34 is not so bad after all and with such a great start, the future seems very promising.

It is also my tenth anniversary. 10 whole years of being Mrs. ADD! Wow! But that's another story. :)

Throughout the day I was inundated with texts, phone calls and FB messages of wonderful birthday wishes. ADD and the kids were wonderful right till the end. They were all behaving beautifully and went out of their way to pamper me with as much TLC as I had ever received. ADD gave me a huge bouquet of roses (he knew I preferred lilies but could not for the life of him tell the florist the name of that flower as he had forgotten what it was called) and the kids made wonderful home made cards. Never saw that coming! lol

ADD told me to kick back and relax the entire day and took upon himself to feed and look after the kids the entire day. I got to nap not once but 3 times throughout the day. Over 2 hours each time too! I'm not sure if we could call that nap but whatever...I am a very happy camper. :P

In the evening he took us out to dinner at my favourite restaurant where the children had also behaved beautifully. After the kids was safely tucked into their beds and snoring away, I had some alone time to watch the longest lunar eclipse to date and what a spectacular show was that! A perfect ending to a perfect day.

I guess I got my birthday wish after all. I got time off and had enjoyed me. By being able to do so, I had enjoyed everything around me as well. I couldn't have wished for a more perfect birthday.

I feel so blessed. :))

Birthday Blues

In four days, it'll be my birthday. My 34th birthday. 6 years away from the big 4-0! OMG! I feel practically ancient. I don't know if it's just PMS (Aunt Flo is due for a visit in a weeks time) or depression but I feel downright miserable these past few days. Urgh. Turning 34 doesn't seem so appealing after all.

I recall my special day during my childhood. It was exactly that and even more. I was super special just for that day. I'd be spoiled, pampered and treated like a queen. My parents
gave me the very best VIP treatment a child could possibly have. But as the years passed my VIP status has been mercilessly downgraded. However, I never stopped hoping to get a taste of the VIP treatment I had back then when I was wee one each passing year only to be disappointed year after year. To make matters worst, I had the brilliant idea to get married on my birthday, hoping that the double celebration would even out things. Ding! Big mistake. Big. Huge. Now instead of being disappointed,  now I get double the disappointment.

ADD comes from a family that has never acknowledge birthdays. It was truly a shock to my system. Ever the optimistic, I thought I could change all that. I was wrong again. You can't teach an old dog new tricks especially when it's an obnoxious, stubborn, insensitive dog.

My late father always made a big deal over birthdays. He put it in my head that you must make an effort. I remember one of my mom's birthday. My dad had made such an effort to provide her that special VVIP treatment. Flowers at work. Surprise shopping spree at lunch and a romantic dinner, just the 2 of them. I can't fault my late father though, it has always been in his nature to be the perfect Prince Charming. I truly believe that in this day and age, man like him are far and few.

When I was little, it was a big deal to do something special for the family member on their birthday. We'd make a card, a gift, buy stuff if we could afford to but most importantly, that day we let them get off with anything even murder. ;)

I try to teach the kids the same as what I was taught when it comes to birthdays, but they obviously take after their dad. If their dad is that way, what are the chances I could make them any different? I guess they unknowingly learn by example.

Anyway, knowing what to expect when I'm expecting (my birthday that is), I've decided to ignore my birthday this year. It's also my 10 year anniversary which like every other year, I'll just make a little gesture and expect nothing in return. I'm planning to switch off my phone, hide in the house and just drown in my  misery.

It's been awhile (8-10 years) since I had made a wishlist for my birthday and expect to get anything on the list. Just for the fun of it, for the sake of my own amusement, I think this year I'd like to think of 10 things I would like to receive on my special day although chances are slim to none that I will get it. So here goes;

1. A gorgeous canvas quilt Dior bag in beige or red.
2. A white Mahima LV handbag worth AED 11k. (Eh? The Dior bag is much cheaper so why did I put it as number 1? Must be that middle child thing/insecure person in me. )
3. A 2 carat diamond ring. Diamond's a girl 's best friend..and I have none. (And my teeny, tiny diamond wedding ring doesn't count as you can hardly see the diamond.)
4. A nice chunky solid gold necklace and bracelet! I think I'm at the age where I could actually carry it off! ;)
5. AED50 000 cash. (Dunno why 50...but I've always liked the number 5 and 5k seems minuscule.) :P
6. A domestic helper. If it was my old helper, even better! I really do miss her. :(
7. ADD and kids organize something special for me like a surprise party ( and I won't have to clean afterwards as well!)
8. My kids would make me something heartfelt and surprise me with it.
9. I'd be mommy and wifey free for exactly 24 hours. No worries about chores, food, kids, husband.
10. Turn 18 again and be just me.

That's it. I did it. Finally, my very own wish list. Now looking at my wish list, deep in my heart, I think the ones I would like the most are the ones that are impossible to achieve. *Sigh* I miss being me. I haven't been me for so long that I'm actually afraid to become me again. Somewhere along those 34 years, I've lost myself. I've lost that hopeful thoughts of being Queen for a day. I'm resigned to the fact that I'll never be Queen again, ever.

I think I'll hide out on my birthday this year, switch off mobile and just stay clear from the general public. *Groan*. Depressing thoughts again. :(

Wondershare Photo Montage

I've just purchased this really cool photo montage software called Wondershare and I absolutely love, love, love it! It's $69 but worth every single cent spent. Now I find myself practically glued to the PC trying to photo montage everything! Here's my test montage of my kids. Aaah...nothing like the bliss of a new toy! :))

MISSING: Black, medium sized OSN Remote.

The TV remote has gone AWOL. Last seen when Baby H snatched it away from me 2 nights ago and ran off with it. Too bad my 2 year old has the memory of a goldfish. I keep asking where she may have put it and she would stare at me, give me a serious look and offer me one of her toys or milk instead. *Sigh*.

Tried doing the whole manually changing of channels method but found it very, very cumbersome. I have thunder thighs so taking that 6 steps towards the TV from my couch would be like dragging tonnes of lead, so obviously that's not working out.

The fact is, I've been spoiled rotten by technology. Gosh, what was life like before the wonderful invention of remote or as Dearest S would say 'in the olden days'? DH said not to make a big deal over the missing remote and just suck it in and do it manually. He said if I could have done it before, surely I could do it now. This coming from a man who doesn't have the slightest interest towards watching TV. Doesn't he realize that his stay at home wife is also a professional couch potato? Besides, as far as I could recall, the last time I had to change the channels manually was over 25 years ago and at that time we only had 3 channels! In those days, I was considered very lucky to have 3 channels because I was a city dweller. The rest of the country was stuck with only 2 channels. 3 channels I could handle manually but over 3000 channels??? Only a Saint would have the patience to cope with manually scrolling 3000 channels and I ain't no Saint.

I'm seriously considering either filing a police report over my missing remote or changing my cable provider just so I'll get a new decoder with a new remote. I think TV remote control makers seriously consider inventing a remote that comes with a beeper. That would be absolutely awesome! It'll revolutionize everyone's whole TV watching experience. However, with my track record I'd probably lose the beeper too. Maybe they could do a call center that we could call everytime the remote goes missing and they could activate an alarm so we may be able to find it! Wow! That's a fantastic idea!

I'm going bonkers now. I so need my remote.

A test of faith.

A couple of days ago, a good friend of mine who resides in Dubai met with an awful tragedy. Her home was caught on fire. Fortunately, none of her family member and herself was physically hurt in this tragedy. I dare not comment on their mental state though.

I cannot even begin to imagine what it's like to see your home on fire. I guess a lot of "what if" questions pop into your mind. What if the kids were asleep and did not manage to escape? What if I had not decided to take the baby with me? What if I was there, would I be able to prevent it? What if I had put my valuables in better safe keeping? So many questions would surely pass your mind but the fact remains, tragedy has struck and it is irreversible.

A friend wrote on my FB, 'when a thief enters your home, he will at least leave some things behind but when it's fire, it takes everything in it's path.' I couldn't agree more.

What do you say to a friend who has been through such an ordeal? Be brave? Be strong? Be patient? Well, the truth is, I really don't know what is the politically correct thing to say. I just know that I'm sorry to see her go through something so terrible and traumatizing. She has my deepest sympathy.

I truly believe that Allah only test those near and dear to Him. A test of this magnitude is a test of faith and obedience and only the truly devoted will get through such tests unscathed. Makes me question my own faith, obedience and devotion as a Muslim. Will such an event shake my faith and devotion to Allah? Half my life ago, Allah had tested my family and me. I am ashamed that then, I had failed miserably In His test. If I was given another great test now, would I do any better now? I don't know. Do I want to know? I don't know. Do I think that now, I am a better Muslim than I previously was back then? Looking at my previous answers, I guess the obvious answer is no. :(

I pray for my friend. I pray for the ease of her burden. And now I pray for me. May I be a good Muslim, the way Allah had intended me to be. Subhanallah wa bi hamdihi.

Smilebox Scrapbooks

I discovered this cool software called Smilebox. This is my first creation! :))

This scrapbooking design made with Smilebox

Hot! Hot! Hot!

The weather is getting freakishly hot! The news reported that the temperature has gotten to a level that it is unbearable for living condition. I'm not sure what that means exactly but it sounds scary enough to me.

These days, I try at all cost to not leave the house during daytime. Not that it gets any better at night, but at least the glaring sun isn't there to add to your misery.
Went out to take the kids for their taekwondo class this morning and the car's temperature indicator thingy or whatever it is you call it showed the temperature at 40C. That was at 9.30am!

One of my greatest fear comes Summer is that the tyres of my car would burst whilst driving. Well, the other day, the temperatures soared up to 48C and that great fear materialized. Fortunately, I had stopped at a traffic light when it happen so no harm done. Phew.

Read in the news that they are expecting one of the hottest summer by far. Since it is only May, I guess the worst it yet to come. Eek. I have been told that This heat wave we are experiencing is nothing compared to Hell fire. Yikes! Must keep reminding myself to be very, very, very good. Gotta avoid it at all cost. I easily burn. ;)

To School or Not to School...That is the Question.

It is actually too late to still be contemplating as places for preschools are filling up fast but I still can't decide whether to send my little one off to school or not. Baby H won't actually be required to start school till September 2012, however the competition to get into school is quite stiff so sending her to preschool would definitely give her an advantage over the other children when we send in her application for school next year.

Apparently, since the school is so sought after, the fact that you may already have siblings in the school is no longer an advantage. Heard this year, the school had received 120 application from siblings asking to get into FS1. They had only like 80 to 100 places on offer. The school is now able to pick and choose who they would accept which would be the best of the best. Boy, was I lucky with Cheeky M. If he had to be assessed 2 years ago, I could guarantee he would not be accepted as he wasn't even able to talk back then. He was among the few that skipped the assessment and immediately accepted because he had a sibling already attending that school.

A friend of mine took her son for an assessment recently. He is a little cheeky fellow but I've always thought that this child was one very smart cookie. He could count to 100 assisted and unassisted could do up to 30. They asked him to string beads, count, identify colours and shapes. He did it all just fine. However when it came to his conversation skills, they thought he was not at par as he wasn't as articulate as they would prefer and was mixing his languages together (he is bilingual) in one sentence. So he was rejected by the school. In his defense, the boy wasn't even 3 yet, and won't be 3 for the next couple of month. IMO, he did an amazing job for a 2 year old!

That got me really worried. Baby H will be turning 3 this December. She doesn't even know her colours and shapes yet. All animals are either a sheep, cat or dog to her. I'm haunted by the fear that she will fail miserably for the assessment if she isn't sent to preschool to prepare herself.

However, the thought of forking out almost AED30k on preschool makes me choke. That on top of the extra AED30k I have to fork out to top up the older childrens' school fees!  That would be AED60k altogether. Significantly more than what I had paid for my two university diplomas and degree course. Cost of graduation included! Gosh, now I feel absolutely faint.

ADD told me to skip the preschool and just teach Baby H myself. He said it's about time I put my Early Childhood Education diploma to good use. I could do that, but I doubt I have the discipline and consistency to do it especially that without having extra help at home, I'd be too distracted with the house chores and the two older kids. But it's a thought worth considering because I really do enjoy teaching small children. To be there and watch them learn and discover new things is a joy and also a learning experience that words just fail to describe.

So I'm on a cross road here. Should I just close my eyes, dig deep into our pockets and put her in a preschool which may or not may not guarantee her a place in school the following year OR should I not put her in preschool, try to teach her myself and just risk her chances of getting a place in school the following year? The answer is....I dunno, I dunno, I dunno.

Over the Years...

From top: Dearest S (15/5/2003), Cheeky M (28/2/2006), Baby H (20/12/2008)

DeaDe

Top to bottom : Photos of Dearest S from age 1 to 8.

Top to bottom: Cheeky M  age 1 to 5

Baby H age 1 to 2
Time really does fly. I marvel at how fast they grow. Before I know it, I'll be posing photos of them in their teens. My babies are growing up too fast! :'(

House Hunting in Abu Dhabi

Six months ago, ADD and I decided that it was time for us to move into a new home. Although we really do love living in our current home, our 3 bedroom apartment can no longer accommodate our 3 growing children. Besides, the children's school has proposed to increase their fees and since ADD's company has only allocated a certain amount for school fees, the rest would have to come out from our own pockets and a with 3 children, its quite a substantial amount too. We figured we could make up the difference by dipping into our housing allowance but to do so, we will be required to move out of our current company provided accommodation and find one on our own.

3 years ago, it wouldn't be possible to find a decent house with our meager housing allowance. The cost of rentals in Abu Dhabi borders on astronomical. I remember a friend was offered a studio with large kitchen for AED60k a year. We went to check it out only to find that the so called 'studio' was in fact just a large kitchen at the back of the house! The audacity of the agent to try to pass off the kitchen for a studio  is beyond belief and pricing it at AED5k a month is just highway robbery. It didn't even have a proper bathroom and the agent proposed to build a small makeshift one outside the 'studio', which means you'll need to step out of your house every time you need to take a leak. Ridiculous. The agent was haughty and had a take it or leave it attitude. He and a few more other agents I came across was nothing more than scumbags.

Today, since the price of rentals are slowly coming down, our meager housing allowance could actually afford us a nice, suitable 4 or 5 bedroom villa. However, the focus here is to make a little on the side so fully capitalizing the entire amount just for a villa isn't very beneficial. or even practical. During the peak of summer, electricity bills tends to soar up due to A/C usage, so we've got to include that in our budget as well.

So after including other costs and what we needed to cover the school fees, we are down to looking for villas that's either a little over or just under AED100k a year. And where are these villas located? At the end of the earth, in the middle of nowhere. Sigh.

Anyway, a couple of days ago ADD, the kids and I took a little excursion to address nowhere, end of the earth to take a look at one of the villas there. The villa was kind of nice, spacious and practical although the whole wall deco is a bit err retro??? to my taste, nothing a lick of paint won't fix. (Seriously, purple glittery hearts all over the wall? And it wasn't even wall paper but looked hand drawn!) The view was fantastic. Sea view and white beach sands all around. However, when I got up to the roof to get a better view, I noticed every single neighbour around that villa had herds of goats in their compound! Having goats all around me  was something I'm just not too keen on. The price was right, but villa in the middle of nowhere was also halfway to Dubai, might as well I move to Dubai where the costs of rentals are considerably cheaper.

So here we are, still no where near finding a suitable home. However, a little birdie brought good news today. Lets see if that works out. :)

Happy Birthday Dearest S

8 years ago, on May 15th, 2003 at 12.15pm, I gave birth to the most perfect little baby girl I've ever laid my eyes on. That very moment, for the first time in my life, I fell in love at first sight. She looked like Snow White. In fact, that was what all the nurses had nicknamed her. She was fair and had the reddest pair of rose bud lips. That was my Dearest S. My pride and joy.

Today, 8 years later, she is still the most perfect little baby girl to me. Thank you for just being you. I love you very much Dearest S. Happy 8th Birthday. I still fall in love with you each time I look at you.You are and will forever be my pride and joy.

My Dancing Angels

I've been meaning to blog about this but just couldn't find the time (yeah yeah...excuses, excuses :p) Anyway, at the end of last term, Dearest S came up to me and told me she wanted to audition for the school's dance show. I said yeah, sure go ahead darling. But then, she didn't want to perform any random dance but an authentic traditional dance from Malaysia. Wow! The fact that she actually wanted to dance was one thing, being a self declared tomboy and all but to perform a graceful, feminine traditional dance. Seriously, to the alien that has abducted my daughter, you can keep her for awhile...let me enjoy and play with this replacement for the time being. ;)

So I gathered her friends that lived within the same compound ( I figured it would be easier logistically wise since I had less than a fortnight to train these girls.) and decided to teach them The Court  Dance, Asyik. Since childhood, I had always been fascinated by this dance. This dance is in my lineage. It was from where my family was from. It is a regal, graceful dance that is usually performed for Sultans and nobilities. Boy, was I excited.

The girls were amazing. They learned all the steps in just 3 days! Super amazing. Went for the audition and obviously aced it. Best part was, I posted their audition on Facebook and a friend from the embassy approached me and asked the girls to perform for a charity event at the embassy. The girls were thrilled!

Got some materials from Malaysia for their costumes. Got a local tailor to stitch it up for AED35 a dress. I handmade the head gears, belts , necklaces and all the accessories and voila! I had transformed the 6 girls into 6 exquisite dancing angels.

The girls performances Wowwed their audience and I had recently received and invitation for them to perform for another and actually get paid for it! Looks like I can actually look forward to early retirement! LOL! ;) I'm really proud of each and every one of them. but mostly, I'm proud of Dearest S for inspiring me with her great idea.

Stomach Flu Diet

I am currently on the best diet ever! It is better than Dukan and Atkins any day. It's called the Stomach flu diet. 4 days in and I've already lost 3kgs. Going through the stomach flu diet leaves you just as miserable as Atkins and Dukan and has the added bonus of stomach cramps, Diarrhea, nausea, chills and fever! But still, 3kgs loss and it's waaay better than sweating it out on the treadmill! I am now a firm advocate of the stomach flu diet! Try it and you will definitely get immediate result. Weight loss guaranteed! ;)

I heart Abu Dhabi.

I feel awful for neglecting my blog for so long. Been very busy. So much has happened since my last update. I'm currently under the weather as I'm plagued with the stomach flu. Chills, purging, nausea and abdominal pain is no fun especially since AD daddy isn't around and I'm home alone with 3 kids that needs me to feed and look after them. My kids had to settle with Doritos for brekkie and lunch. Hey, desperate times require desperate measures. Besides, they are not complaining. I actually think they rather enjoy this change of menu. Beats having oatmeal! Lol!

So what's new? Dearest S was in a dance show and was later invited by the embassy for a charity dance show. She will be celebrating her 8th birthday this Sunday. Hope I've recuperated from my illness by then.

Cheeky M is cheekier than ever. There's certainly something about the 5-7yo phase. It's not as bad as the terrible twos but I would rank it to something close as that. He is testing my limits all the time these days but my only boy seriously knows how to play me. Its hard to be or stay mad at him.

Baby H is the epitome of the terrible twos. She sticks to me like glue! I love you so very much baby...but please, please, please give me some space!

I lost my Gucci wallet the other day. Dropped it in one of the shops in Marina Mall. Only realized it was gone 2 days later. I was frantic! My ID, driving license, cards and all the children's medical cards were in that wallet. Not to mention...my Gucci wallet itself! After that wallet, how could I possibly go back to some mediocre brand? The worst part was, I had made a vow to stop buying ridiculously expensive brands. I was devastated.

So I went back to the mall, albeit 2 days later, bracing myself for the worst. Entered the last shop I was in and asked the cashier if he had happen to know the whereabouts of my wallet. I was surprised when the guy exclaimed, " you're the one! My colleague hanged on to it till the end of her shift and since you didn't come back, she surrendered it to the mall manager." I was overjoyed!

I went to see the mall manager and he directed me to security. The security guys had it safely locked in their safe. Bless them all! If I was back in my home country, it's definitely sayonara wallet!

Reminds me of my first year here. I had left my brand new Limited edition LV handbag ( my one and only LV handbag I must add :p) in the ladies toilet while I was changing Baby H. Realized it was missing when I was well seated in our car. I totally freaked out! I had my passport and all the kids passports in the bag and AED2000. I ran as fast as I could back to that toilet and my heart plummeted when I saw that the washroom was full of people. I went back into the washroom and lo and behold, there was my handbag. Upfront, next to one of the sinks. None of the ladies even paid any attention to it.

It's incidents like this that makes me appreciate Abu Dhabi more. :)

The Sound of Music

I caught the children 'jamming' together the other day. It was hilarious, endearing and lovable rolled up in one special moment.  It's moments like this that makes me fully appreciate how wonderful it is to have kids and how lucky I am to be a mom. Aah...nothing like 'the sound of music' to chase the blues away. :))

Thank Goodness for Good Neighbours.

 It's been awhile. I have been wanting to post but I guess the procrastinator in me is back again. New year's day was creeping up yet I didn't have the inspiration nor strength to blog. I was under the notion that this blog of mine would just end up like the old one. If that happens, it would really be sad indeed. At least for me.

New Year's Day has come and gone. I can't believe it's 2011 already. This year will mark my third year living in the sandpit. I'm yet to decide whether the move has been good or bad for me. It's still a win some, lose some situation for me right now.

I've been feeling a tad low off late. Dunno if it's hormonal or I'm just on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I've dismissed my cleaner, decided that I could manage on my own however I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now. Being a stay at home mom isn't a bed of roses. I guess my biggest problem right now is I just can't seem to come to terms that I am not Superwoman.

I don't know what is going one with me these days. I really don't. I feel hopeful and inspired one minute, and hopeless and frustrated the next minute. I find myself scrolling my phone book time and time again but at the end, I just decide that there is no one on my list that I really feel like talking to. I've met some really fantastic people here, but I'm not just there yet with them to really consider them a confidant.

I feel hopeless, frustrated and alienated. Sometimes I feel like I may even be dying...and that just makes me feel even more desperate. I feel tired, I can't sleep and when I do, I require herculean effort just to wake up. What bother me most right now is the feeling of anger. I feel angry at myself, angry at my friends, angry with my husband and really angry with the kids. Poor babies. I love them dearly but I doubt they realize it as all they see is an angry me.

Before I went to bed last night, and I wasn't even feeling tired but I think I had an out of body experience. I can't even begin to describe it...well, to be more accurate, I don't want to describe it but it was a very frightening experience. Subhan'Allah. I woke up chanting "Allah Huakbar" over and over again. Turn over, pulled my little one close to me and went back to sleep all the while still chanting that powerful verse. May Allah show mercy on me.

I woke up today and prayed and prayed to Allah to lighten this burden I am feeling. I cried on the praying mat for Allah to show me some mercy. Allah heard me.

This evening, I had a meltdown. I really don't know what came into me. I was trying to have a conversation with this really nice friend but I was actually tuning out on her chattering. Baby H and Cheeky M were driving me nuts playing with the door of the gym and at the sight of my neighbor M walking out of the gym smiling away and asking how I was doing, I burst into tears. I excused myself, muttered I had to fix dinner and pick up AD Daddy, screamed at both Baby H and Cheeky M and drag my 2 children home with them sobbing all the way home.

I couldn't believe how I reacted and just left the kids at the door and went to lie down on my bed in my darken bedroom sobbing away. Then, my door bell rang and cheeky M called out for me saying someone's here to see me. I reluctantly got up, quickly splashed water to my face at went to see who it was. It was my neighbour M. She ran in and immediately embraced me while soothingly saying "I know. I know how you feel." I didn't say anything and just started sobbing again in her embrace.

Just like that, I began to feel much better. I felt my spirit lifting up again. I finally felt calmer after the many weeks of anguish. I will forever be grateful to M. Although I couldn't tell her what was going through my head all these weeks, her sympathy and concern was enough to extinguish the misery out of me. We chatted a bit and she was very understanding of my predicament, and thoroughly concern for my well-being. That one moment, it was all about me, the person. We may be of different nationalities, different cultural background and different religion but we are both a mom, put into similar situation. I will forever be grateful to M for her kindness and for lending me her shoulder to cry on.

Thanks to M, the scale just tipped a little, win some outweighing lose some on my decision to relocate. Bless you M. You will forever have my gratitude for showing me some kindness and being there for me when I needed someone the most. Thank goodness for good neighbors! Now I have a reason to smile again. :)